Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
