i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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