i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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