GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
