I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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