We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
