the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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