I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
