please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
