I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
