Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
