What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
