so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
