I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
