I swear she didn't look like that last week.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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