i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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