Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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