lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
