you turned your livingroom into a bong?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
