just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
