This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
