note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
