How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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