he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dear god my vagina.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
