very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
