I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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