I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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