we have officially lost it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
