He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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