She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
