Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
