i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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