got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He did a backflip because drugs
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