seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
