Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
