Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
