So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
