It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
