a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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