Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
