I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
