Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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