I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
sex in a hospital.. check
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
