You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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