well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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