dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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