Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
