I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
