1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
