I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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