I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
