she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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