My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
