well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
