She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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