You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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