why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
